Tuesday, April 25, 2006 - Channelling Donatella

One of the more interesting aspects of the job I find myself on at the moment is that the team works with a different international hairdresser each day. This is unusual as the team is usually fixed for the duration of the shoot. To be a (photo) session hairdresser takes a huge amount of skill (over that of your average High Street Crimper) but also dynamic results need to be achieved fairly quickly. Now we all have tricks of the trade - for the session hairdresser life would not be the same without the humble doughnut (a mesh nylon ball) that you wrap hair around to give the illusion of greater volume or shape. Working with hairdressers who are top of the game in their own salons, often find the transition to a session shoot quite difficult. Generally their standard is far lower and it is our job to push them to make looks that are worthy of editorial coverage. For this job, enough fake hair has been dyed, cut and generally manipulated to keep Cousin It happy for years.

Today the guest Spanish hairdresser is on the set. She is a delightful happy woman but just one minor flaw, she is channelling Donatella Versace as her style icon. There is so much collagen pumped into her upper lip that I keep thinking she is going to trip over it. Now there are also badly done cheek implants and a buy 10 get the 11th free course of Botox that she has willingly under gone. She didnt hold back when striving to achieve her look of hero worship. The flowing Latino brunette has been replace by what can only be described as Polenta yellow hair and the orange tinge of liberal slashing of St. Tropez.

To compliment her hard work she has dressed herself in turned hem Capri jeans with Candies (high heel open toed mules with Diamante buckles) and a white knock off Chanel box jacket. As I mentioned at the beginning of this description she is lovely but you can understand my difficulty in trying to keep a straight face when discussing the intricacies of style to her.

I try (although not always successfully) not to be the Fashion Police however all of this, on a 50+ woman, it was too much for me not to share it with you.

Monday, April 24th 2006 - Museum of the Politically Incorrect

The past 10 days have been taken up on the job that started out as hell in hair dye, but I have to admit it has vastly improved; given that the client finally settled on the clothing direction they desired. The most astounding aspect of this job however has been the location. The Museum of Hunting and Nature.

At present, I am typing in the Petit Salon - which in the normal universe is actually the size of a single bedroom flat in London. Looking down on me is a 2m x 1m portrait of Marie Antoinette in her Hunting attire. Everywhere you look it is books on hunting with titles such as Hunting Game with Gun and Camera, Hunting Boar and my favourite Large Game, Small Gun

Now regardless of your position on hunting (which I refuse to go into here) this is a stunning location and a memorial to a bygone era. Every nook and cranny is crammed with all kinds of hunting items. From stuffed Polorbears to Rhino, Monkeys to Cheeta. There are stuffed animal heads hanging from the walls, bronze statues of Deer, Boar, Lions and Tigers. Solid Silver Candelabras of Hunting scenes, which are so elaborate it makes you believe they will race across the tabletop at any moment. The wall tapestries with delicately woven Elephants, pheasants, unicorns and stags. In the hall is a large gothic stone staircase which I am sure they based the set design for Phantom of the Opera. It is absolutely magical. The cellar resembles a mad dungeon, its now converted to a private dining room where we have been served an amazing lunch every day. The room still has large hooks for hanging meat for the kitchens. If you were that way inclined, it would make a superb venue for any Mistress with room for a rack in the corner.

With a venue like this, it is almost understandable that when the Nazi Army came marching into Paris, the city fathers allowed them in with out a fight, thus protecting their heritage. Places such as this would have been bombed to smithereens. I dont profess to question how the French handled themselves but on the flip side they dont have the same affliction that London shares for Concrete post war painful architecture as a result.

Imagining this venue as my own private residence (it is now the Museum and a fancy expensive gentlemans club) is far far too easy. Perhaps I l suffer from my own illusions of grandeur. I know I spend a good deal of my life own little fantasy cocoon but a girl could get used to this!

Friday, 29th July

Ok I know it has been a while peeps - I can not begin to explain the rollercoaster of a ride it has been. I am sure I will divulge that with time. As the wise sage Murphy, I am sure once said - if you book a holiday - it is guaranteed that a juicy job comes in! As is the case today - I cut into my holiday to shoot Mr. Sean Combs, P. Diddy or Puff Daddy (so many names I can not keep up). I was a plum assignment as I was very interested in meeting the man behind the hype. Furthermore (and more importantly) I got to work with a photographer and team that I had wished to work with for a while. The gentleman in question was a delight (both on they eyes and the soul). He was great to work with and if the gods smile on me it will be one of many. If only everyone was so easy to work with!

Sean (as I was permitted to call him) was what I expected him to be. He is a smart cookie - no doubt about that. A rough diamond - there was the bling and the street but he looked you in the eye, said hello, please, and thank you - which goes a long, long way in my book. Now don't think he didn't know his mind - boy did he (and hell if you built up more than one successful company if you didn't I would wonder how you managed it). Strange requests for Hypnosis (sp) - some bright blue vodka/connac (sp) drink, which I have to say looked god awful. But the Champers was flowing and we managed to get everything that the brief asked us to do. Now.. we wait for HQ verdict. I will keep you posted dolls. Enjoy your weekend.

Tuesday, 21st September

I don't know why Fashion people can't seem to get along - is it all that hard? They seem to prefer to act like a pack of wild dogs but instead of turning on the weakest member of the pack - they turn on each other indiscriminately. From where I sit - I question frequently why we submit ourselves to this masochistic torture. It is almost as if the fashion shows seem to take second place to the political maneuvering found during fashion week. Of the shows today - Eley Kish had a few lovely moments, Betty Jackson - the grand maven of English fashion put a secure collection together - and I was sitting directly opposite Jennifer Saunders and her daughter - they seemed to enjoy it!

Julien MacDonald seems to have lost his way. I will always like what he does - but this season - it was a little bit too Miss Valentino, with a bit of Pucci and a 80's US prom on Acid. It was also muted on his celeb front - Rachel Stevens, Padma Rushdie and a few others but it seems (at least for this season) the crown of the King of London has passed to Giles.

Rafael Lopez wasn't as good as I had hoped - it was shown in Peter Jones in the atrium where the fabrics usually are. I would have preferred had they spent less on speakers and more on better lighting as then we might have had a chance to see it better - even from the position in the 3rd row where I was I was straining my eyes in bad light. It didn't help matters when it started so late because they were waiting for everyone - when it was clear that no on else was going to show. I rapped up the evening at the Donna Karen party, which actually wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.

Today I would also like to address DM - part of the reason I don't want to add comments (except for private ones) is it is almost sacrilegious for me to even be writing this uncensored view of the fashion pack - should they ever find out - I am sure I will be excommunicated. Any one of them - if they put their mind to it, could find out my identity (as we are a small bunch) but I prefer it if they didn't. I am hoping they can't be bothered to read the likes of a blog. The beauty of a blog such as this as I can be honest in my interpretation of events. However, I still love to hear your comments and if you care to pass my blog on to your friends - I am honored but I have no intention of putting it out there anymore than I have.

Finally - I would like to send my regards to fellow bloggers,
Belle de Jour and Pete's Posts who both after very successful runs have hung up their blogger badges for the time being - each for there own reasons. They will be sorely missed and it was because of them - I chose to take up sharing my thoughts with you.

" I only go to work to wear my outfits "

Monday, 20th September

Well an odd day on the fashion front. Jonathan Saunders was rather good - softer, more accessible. Paul Smith - well it was lovely but there were no new ideas - just Paul Smith tried and tested - stripes, floral prints and union jack emblems. It was a good collection - it will sell well but exciting it wasn't. Bora Aksu - stuck in a 70's folk chic loop and not my scene. Clements I loved - it got a bit dull in the middle but the end was very strong.

Now on to The ES Mag effort - I can't explain how much better it ended up over Style, I know I am harping on about it but I just can't believe that Style has been usurped. It is glossy, professional, interesting, engaging and the contributors each bring something to the table. Congratulations to Gianluca as his shoots are lovely. However with a magazine that has contributions by Sarah Mower, Lee Jenkins, Bay, Plum and Natalie - what do you expect. They obviously threw money at it and it shows in spade and in very good way.

Anyway - I am knackered and I am off to grab some winks.

" I only go to work to wear my outfits "

Sunday, 19th September

Well on us again - London Fashion Week. The highlight / lowlight of the day seemed to be Frost French. Now I don't care what the reports say tomorrow and I know the papers will have the requisite shots of the show and its high celeb factor, but for me - if this label didn't have that celeb quotient - it would be universally panned. It was a badly cut collection, with 50's lingerie references, stepford wives and a time warp of the worst of Laura Ashley. When thrown together it makes for nothing more than what you can buy down at Top Shop at at 5 times the price. As you can gather it didn't do much for me.

I quickly popped into the tents - mainly to get a hold of this seasons Omega Time Line number - this is what caused me to miss Elspeth Gibson. I did however manage to get a sneak preview of the ES Fashion edition which is out tomorrow. Congratulations all round - it looks good - forward thinking, a bit safe but for a first issue - not a bad effort. When you compare it to the Sunday Times - Style Fashion Special out today - Style has clearly been out classed.

The printing on the Style edition I have - makes Linda look like she has been mugged by a bottle of fake tan! Also really Linda and her comeback is old news - her comeback was 2 years ago now. This is where ES did the business and has Lily Cole as the covergirl. The front row censorship is a page devoted to Colin's winging - yes designers do but shhhurrly it is just to quote Colin - his own "Babyish Tantrums" by devoting a page to it (especially as we know that he was banned from Chanel for the longest time). Also an article about Stylists - come on ... Stylists are not celebrities - there work should be seen and they should not be heard! First and foremost - do we really care? Second is the celebrity stylist any more worthy of an article than say the celebrity makeup artist, hairdresser or pet psychologist? There is already a celebrity backlash but then glorifying there entourage as well - Please save us!

Claudia Croft puts in a good article on good classics - all of which I would agree with - and it reiterates the 50's mantra of buying something that will last and always look chic! But then we have Mels piece on "who is the High Street woman". Again - an article that would have been better in a marketing meeting. The companies know who there core customer is. A woman knows what suits her so why are we forced to read about it?

The best image of the whole book goes to Helen Kenny with her green accessories page - an image better suited to the glossy pages of Vogue (they should take note)! The Paulo Sutch trends piece is not his finest hour but lets face it - this is where they saved money. I am sure the Linda piece cost a bomb to produce (pity it didn't turn out better). The best main fashion goes to Sophia and Satoshi's story, and Jane Cattani's story is also strong. I await the Men's special which is a good twist due out during Paris on 3rd October.

Tomorrow is LFW full throttle so I will keep you posted and also I will give the lowdown on the full ES Fashion critique.

- "I only go to work to wear my outfits"

Tuesday, September 7th

Well I had to go and enjoy the sunshine this weekend while it lasted. After one day lounging by the pool with a few friends down in the country, I am now sporting the lobster glow I seem to acquire with no discernible effort. It was a last minute escape - I never usually decamp out of town on the eve of a big job but the sun was to much to refuse (and a convenient excuse as the house started to flood and I just didn't have the patience to deal with it). In hindsight, it was a good thing I did grab the R & R - as the job yesterday was far from easy.

As often with celebrities - they are usually delightful, and yet at the same time, bloody difficult! In the sliderule of this sort of thing however, this was mild. I emerged unscathed and no egos were destroyed in the process. All faux pas were averted and everyone is generally pleased.

I was brought back down to earth today from my fashion cloud - having to endure dealing with the insurance system. I could bury my head in the sand no longer - and had to deal with the flood. Now it is plumbers and claim adjusters for the next day or two!

Finally, I am at a loss on a great sign off for the end of my posts - email me if you have any good fashion related pithy sign off suggestions as I seem to have hit a brick wall.